The Beginning and the End

Quite often, IUI is the first treatment someone with infertility will try. It’s relatively inexpensive (compared to other treatments) and non-invasive. The success rate of a medicated IUI cycle in a female with healthy eggs and two open fallopian tubes is 15% to 25%. Our first IUI was in the spring of 2014. It resulted in a negative test… we were disappointed, but not overly surprised. Our second IUI was in August of 2014… and it was positive.

I still remember the morning that I got up and peed on the stick. It was my first day back to work after summer holidays. I got up early and just had a good feeling. When I saw a second pink line and was elated! I remember the dress I wore that day. I took a picture of myself in the mirror because this was a day I was never going to forget. I got to our school division’s fall conference and promptly told a good friend that I was pregnant. We hugged and she told me how happy she was for us. Telling someone that you are pregnant and seeing their excitement is one of the best feelings in the world. A few hours later, I started to bleed a little bit. I called the clinic and they said it was not uncommon for that to happen, but they would send me for bloodwork. They called at the end of the day and it was good news. My HCG level was still around 150 IU/L.

A week later and it was my first day at a new school.  I remember standing at the front of the gym for teacher introductions and feeling some cramping.  By the end of the day, the pain was unbearable.  I came home and curled up in bed.  Then I started bleeding a lot.  When Dustin got home from work he took me to emergency.  I was miscarrying our little babe.  I wasn’t far along, only 6 weeks, but I already had a connection with that little being.  I laid on a bed in the emergency room as they took blood samples and checked my vitals.  I hadn’t told anyone in my family about the pregnancy.  I called my mom and dad and explained where I was through sobs and tears.  The doctors told us that we would have to come back the next day for an ultrasound to make sure there was not any remaining tissue in my uterus.  Terrified, I called my new principal from the hospital to tell him what had happened and that I would not be at work the next day.  He was wonderful and told me to take the time I needed.   

I returned to work a few days later.  It was so difficult to be at a new school with new staff; I felt like I couldn’t share with anyone what had happened.  We had a follow up meeting with our doctor.  She told us it was a “chemical pregnancy”, meaning I had a very early miscarriage. I don’t like that term.  When you’ve tried to have a baby for so long and someone downplays that positive test, it sucks.  It doesn’t hurt any less than if you are well into your first trimester.  So that was the beginning and the end of our first pregnancy.