Deja Vu

Posted byhaleybartschPosted inUncategorized

Our first round of IVF had failed.  My grandma was never going to get to meet her great-grandbaby.  There was an increased sense of urgency to conceive: Things had gone as well as we could have hoped for my mom in Vancouver, but her cancer was aggressively spreading into her lymph nodes.  I just wanted my mom to meet our baby.  I wanted our baby to grow up with a grandma and grandpa, just like I had.  I wasn’t sure of my mom’s prognosis at the time, but I knew the longer it took, the less likely it would be that she would be a part of our child’s life. 

My grandma and grandpa. They were monumental in my childhood. I was so fortunate to grow up with all four of my grandparents. My biggest wish was to have the same for our children.

To be honest, that second cycle of IVF is a blur because of everything that was happening at that time.  Mom made it home from Vancouver, but she was very weak.  She was just well enough to be at grandma’s funeral.  I had started my medications for my second cycle when I got a call from my OBGYN.  During my most recent physical, the lab detected pre-cancerous cells on my cervix.  They would need to be removed with a day procedure called a LEEP (Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure).  Because we had started medication, my OBGYN advised me to wait and see the results of the IVF.  If it was successful, I would have another PAP done to see if the cells were still present.  If it was not, I would need to have the LEEP done as soon as possible. 

We only waited two months before we tried IVF again. In hindsight, I probably hadn’t recovered physically or emotionally from our first IVF. Our second round was déjà vu of our first: two follicles, two eggs, two day three embryos, two fresh transfers, one big fat negative.  There was so much going on in our lives at that time, I cannot remember the day I found out it was not successful.  I just remember feeling numb. 

I had the LEEP done at the end of August.  During my recovery, I asked my OBGYN for a referral to another clinic to have a second opinion.  Our situation was proving to be more complicated than we thought, and we felt that we needed to explore other options. We were added to the waitlist for a clinic in Calgary, and this was where our story would continue.  

Published by haleybartsch

My name is Haley Bartsch (Kolach); born and raised in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. I have been a teacher in rural Saskatchewan for 12 years, primarily as a Special Education Resource Teacher. I am the daughter of two wonderful parents (who were also teachers) and a sister to another Special Education Resource Teacher. I’m an Auntie to a beautiful niece and nephew, a dog mama to our pups, Jaxson and Pieces, and wife to an amazing husband and love of my life, Dustin. Dustin and I dream of becoming parents. We have been navigating unexplained infertility for almost 9 years. I'm here to share our infertility experiences, thoughts, and perspectives.

2 thoughts on “Deja Vu”

  1. Haley & Dustin, I give you my heart, my arms to hug you, my prayers and my tears – and anything else that I can do for you both! Sending you so much love and tenderness as you face all that you have and continue to face, together. You are nothing short of incredible, and I am sending you my love and all the prayers that I can possibly pray (I do have some time on my hands!) Hoping and praying, as you share your journey. Thank you for sharing, This is helping me to understand what my own sister has faced, with her gut wrenching fertility struggles. Thank you from my heart.

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