You’re stronger than you think

I took a little hiatus from blogging this month. I celebrated a birthday, had four Christmas parties, many Christmas get-togethers, and a trip to Montana. We returned just in time to spend Christmas with our families and enjoy some downtime at home. When I sat down to write this post, I planned to write about why Birthdays and Christmases can be hard; not just for me, but for many. But this morning I dragged myself out of bed for a 9:15 am spin class. As I completed my final workout of 2021, I changed my mind about what I wanted to write.

Growing up, I wasn’t athletic or coordinated or flexible. I wasn’t competitive and never played sports. I didn’t have high self-esteem and always worried I would look silly or wouldn’t be good at it. In high school, many of my friends were in dance. I envied their talent and skill and wished I could do what they did. Whenever I was invited to play a rec game of slow pitch or volleyball, I would decline. I didn’t trust my body to do what I wanted it to do.

Fast forward to 2013 and the beginning of our fertility struggle. My body was letting me down in a different way. I wanted it to create life. To hold and deliver a baby. As girls, we’re told that our bodies are made to create and carry life. Imagine the crippling disappointment of your body failing you over and over again. Your body not doing what it’s supposed to do.

Around the time that my body was not doing what it was born to do, I started lifting weights. I had gone to the gym for a few years (mostly light cardio and Zumba classes) but I thought I’d try something different. It was hard. Like, really hard. But I felt so proud that I had pushed myself, and my body, to do something out of my comfort zone.

Fast forward a few more years. I didn’t grow up doing water sports. Not that I didn’t have the opportunity, but I was “too scared” to try. In 2018, I tried wake surfing. In 2019, I learned how to wake surf without the rope. I bought Dustin and I golf lessons and learned how to golf (poorly). When Covid hit in the spring of 2020, we got into biking. I know how to ride a bike, but I’d never done trails or long distances. With gyms closed, it gave us lots of time to ride. That winter, we bought cross country skis. We skied almost every weekend, all over Saskatchewan. And most recently, three weeks after my 38th birthday, I learned how to snowboard. I grew up downhill skiing, but I hadn’t done that in almost 20 years. I joined the “Beginner Boards” group, fully expecting to be the oldest member. To my surprise, I was not! I spent two days learning to ride the Big Mountain in Whitefish. I still go to the gym three to five times a week.

As I finished up the spin class this morning, I felt proud of what my body is able to do. It has let me down in a lot of ways. It has not been able to create life, but it can do other things. It has learned new sports. It allows me to get outdoors and walk my dogs and play with my niece and nephew. It’s strong. And maybe in 2022, it will surprise me. Happy New Year friends and family! Thank you for being here with me 🥂