The Element of Surprise

Dustin and I were married in 2012 and started trying for a baby in 2013. From the day we started trying, I imagined how I would tell Dustin I was pregnant. I thought about how I would surprise our family and friends with the news. I might be remembering incorrectly, but I think Facebook pregnancy announcements became popular around 2010. I recall scrolling through and seeing cute pictures of onesies beside sonograms, pairs of baby booties beside mom and dad’s shoes, dogs with “Future Big Brother” signs draped around their neck. I thought about what clever post I would put up; maybe me standing in front of a road sign at our lake that said, “Bump Ahead” or our dog Jaxson with a baby toy in his mouth.

One of many things infertility robs you of is the element of surprise, especially if you are open about your infertility. I would never be able to surprise Dustin. Our date of conception was always timed, and our pregnancy test was always scheduled. We didn’t tell our families when we did our first round of IUI, but when we had our first chemical pregnancy, I needed my family’s support. After that, I shared our next five fertility treatments with my family. I grieved the fact that I would not be able to surprise our family and friends with good news (if it came), but I knew they would be just as ecstatic as if it had been a surprise. At that time, it was more important that I had their support during our treatments.

When we got the phone call that we were at the top of the embryo donor list, I saw it as an opportunity to have that “surprise” experience. If no one knew what we were doing, they would be completely shocked when I shared that we were expecting. I was also very confident that embryo adoption was going to be the answer to our infertility. I dreamed about how we would share the news with our families. My sister had told me about both of her pregnancies while we were standing in the parking lot outside our gym. I planned to tell her the same way. I would tell her I was pregnant, and we would hug and cry. My due date would be halfway through her maternity leave, so we would have the experience I had always dreamed of. Our babies would grow up together. I would be pregnant on Mother’s Day. I wouldn’t tell anyone yet because it would be too early, but I would know. Then on Father’s Day, I would tell my dad that he was going to be a grandpa one more time. He would cry joyful tears and we would bask in the excitement of this little miracle. I had it all planned out in my mind.

We told a few close friends and co-workers that we were going for our donor transfer. We packed up our dogs and drove out to Calgary, all the while keeping it a secret from our families and most of our friends. I talk to my sister every day, so she called several times while we were gone. Never did share that we were there. I acted like I had been at work that week, even though I had been resting at home. It was so hard to be untruthful, but it would be worth it once we had that positive test! We had our transfer and headed home with our little embryo on board, ready for the two-week wait.

***edit*** this was our first donor embryo transfer that we did in April of 2021. This was not recent. Sorry for the confusion ❤️