This Summer

Time flies! It’s been over a month since my last blog post! If you’re a teacher, you know how crazy June is: the kids are antsy, report cards need to be complete, parent meetings are taking place, classrooms are being cleaned, everyone in the school is ready for a break! This June was a little different for me. In May, I was offered a Vice Principalship at another school, starting this fall. This opportunity has come with all the emotions! Excitement, nervousness, pride, curiosity, sadness, and joy. I cannot wait to start this new chapter in my career, but it was hard to say goodbye to the staff and students I’ve called family for the past 8 years. As you know from reading my blog, the last 8 years have been a roller coaster and my colleagues have seen me through all of it. So, this June instead of counting down the days until summer, I was enjoying every moment I could with my school family. There were lots of laughs and tears and words of encouragement for next year. I’m thankful for the community I was a part of and looking forward to building relationships in my new school! July has been spent catching up with friends, spending time at the lake, golfing, boating, paddle boarding, reading, and travelling. Overall, it was a great start to the summer!

In my counselling session last week, my counsellor asked me how I was doing. I shared with her that this summer has felt like such a relief compared to last summer. Last summer revolved around our second embryo transfer. I started my medication shortly after July long weekend. We travelled to Calgary on July 26^th to spend a couple of days enjoying ourselves before the procedure. We did our transfer on July 28^th. On the August long weekend was when I sat in my sister camper, crying because I was not experiencing any pregnancy symptoms and wondering what we were going to do if it didn’t work. On August 9^th I went for my pregnancy test. That was the night I found out I was pregnant. A few days after that was when we found out I would miscarry. Mid-way through August I was preparing to go back to work. I spent a day sending text to co-workers letting them know what had happened. I told them over text because I didn’t want to break down in tears when they asked how my summer was on the first day back at work. I met with my principal to let him know. As always, he was empathetic and supportive of everything Dustin and I were going through.  

This year is different. We are not currently perusing any treatments. I’ve spent the summer enjoying all the things I was limiting last year: sun, exercise, coffee, wine. I haven’t had to worry about taking medications on time or going to acupuncture and ultrasound and lab appointments. I haven’t had to keep a secret from my family and friends in anticipation of a surprise pregnancy. It has been truly refreshing to not let infertility dominate my summer. That being said, grief is sneaky. August 9^th is just around the corner, and I am aware that dates and year-markers can stir up all sorts of emotions. Even when you’re not consciously thinking about it, your body and mind know when these events happened and when these dates are approaching. I’ve become familiar with this phenomenon since my Mom died. So, I’m preparing to feel uncomfortable… to feel sad… to feel unsettled on August 9^th. It’s part of grieving and healing. It’s something that will pass. It will make me stronger.