There’s No Good Answer

I apologize in advance; this is not going to be an uplifting post! But I wanted closure for this part of our story before I write about how we continue to rebuild our life after all we have gone through. So, here it is: 

March 1^st, 2022, we transferred two donor embryos. March 14^th it was confirmed that we were pregnant. By the end of March, we knew the pregnancy would not last. When I had my follow up appointment with my doctor in April,2022, I was frustrated. I wanted her to be able to give us answers – I wanted to know why this happened again.  She sent for more blood work and found that I have antiphospholipid syndrome, an autoimmune disease that can cause blood clots in parts of the body. People with this syndrome often show no symptoms but can experience multiple miscarriages and even still births. There is no cure, but medication can be given during pregnancy to reduce blood clots. After my official diagnosis, I was angry. Was this the reason I had multiple miscarriages? Could they have been prevented if I had known sooner? Why was I just learning about this now, after all these years? According to the doctor, this was not the reason for my miscarriages. She did not offer any more explanation as to why this was not a contributing factor.  

Our doctor suggested if we were going to continue treatments, our best chance would be to use my sister as an egg donor. A nurse had called several months earlier to go over the process with me, just in case we were considering this as an option. To use Mary as a donor, she would be required to go through the same procedures I went through when I had my retrievals. She would need to have a panel of bloodwork, ultrasounds, and an HSG. Mary, her husband, Dustin, and I would be required to attend counselling sessions. We would need to hire a lawyer for Mary to legally donate her eggs to us. Once these things were completed, she would need to begin taking thousands of dollars of medications (oral and injectable). She would need to spend up to a week in Calgary for daily bloodwork and ultrasounds before the retrieval. After the surgery, she would need to rest for a day before travelling home to be with her two young children. After the retrieval, we would have to wait 3 to 5 days to see if any embryos were viable. The viable ones would be sent for genetic testing. If there were no genetic abnormalities, they would be frozen. I would then have to prep for another transfer (my 8^th). This entire process would take 6 months to a year, cost approximately $30,000, and would still not guarantee a successful pregnancy. 

Over the course of our journey, I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, endometriosis, and antiphospholipid syndrome, and I am told that none of these things have been the reason for my infertility. I would not know I had any of these if I hadn’t pushed, asked questions, and done my own investigating.  

Nothing in infertility is a guarantee. And these are some of the reasons we are not pursuing any more treatments. We could continue with more testing. The options to explore are endless, and at the end of the day we could end up in the same place we are today – answerless and childless. There is no good answer, but we’ve made the choice that is best for us.