Team 11

Last Friday, we celebrated our 11th anniversary! It’s hard to believe it’s been 11 years; as they say, time flies when you’re having fun! But if you have read my blog from the beginning, you know the last 10 years have not all been “fun”. You’ll also know that seeing a counsellor has been important in helping me navigate hard things that have happened throughout my life.

I try to schedule my counselling appointments around special dates – anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, because something I have learned about myself is that these days can stir up a lot of emotion for me. Our wedding anniversary is always a day of celebration, but it’s also a day of reflection. If you had asked us on our first wedding anniversary what our life would look like on our 11^th, we could not have imagined it would be what it is. So, last Friday morning I met with my counsellor.

Our session began with her asking how things are going. I shared that it was our 11^th wedding anniversary and that we would be going out for supper to celebrate. I told her about what is happening in our lives right now, things we are doing as a couple, and how work is going. After listening, she said that she was surprised at how quickly I’ve gotten to where I am – that I have been able to find joy and meaningfulness in my life without having a child in it. I told her that I’m also kind of surprised by it, but that I know that grief can creep in when you’re not expecting it. 

She asked if there are any milestones or markers that might bring up that grief. I told her I anticipate turning 40 might be one of them. She told me to think about my 30s and everything that I’ve gone through in the last 10 years: 

• Learning I had unexplained infertility
• Countless appointments and tests
• 4 IUIs 
• 3 miscarriages 
• 3 rounds of IVF
• 4 frozen embryo transfers (1 biological and 3 donor)
• 2 invasive surgeries
• Supporting my Mom through numerous surgeries and cancer treatments
• The death of my Mom 
• The death of 3 grandparents 

She said to think of my 40s as a new beginning – 10 years that won’t revolve around appointments and medications and fertility treatments and life restrictions. My 40s can be for us to enjoy in ways we couldn’t if we had child.  

If you had asked me two years ago if I thought I would ever be able to accept being childless, I would have said “Absolutely not. I will try everything and anything to have a baby”. If you had asked me that question a year ago, I would have said “I’m not sure”. If you asked me if I would find happiness without a child, I would have said “Probably not.” But I’m also not one to be a victim of circumstances. No one could have told me I would be truly happy with how our life is now, I had to get there on my own. 

I’ve been very intentional in the last year about making choices that are right for me and for us as a couple. I’m so proud of Dustin and I as a team and how we have supported one another in our 11 years together. I can’t wait to see what the next 11 bring 🥂